Sunday, December 28, 2008

Top 5 Ways To Annoy People Playing Your Game

The long awaited sequel to "Top 5 Ways To Make Nobody Want To Play Your Game" is here! Now, suppose you STILL manage to get some people playing your game. They are obviously rude, not respecting your wishes for nobody to play your game. What should you do? Annoy them while they ARE playing your game!

5. Use uncropped pictures for the graphics in your game.

Flash has brushes, pencils, and lines for a reason. Drawing art in Flash is always a good thing unless you're going to be a slob. Look at games such as The Last Stand 2 and Dolphin Olympics. Pretty nice, right? Imagine those replaced with real graphics. Okay, so that would be even cooler! If they did it right. However, if you're going to not crop it and leave ugly white borders around it, it looks horrible. Let me show you what I mean by an example from a game that's gone now:

"Hey look! It's Obamaa... er.."

Now tell me, does this game look professional? Would it annoy the hell out of you if you played it? I think so! Could there be a reason this game was removed from Kongregate? Hm..

4. Don't add a mute button if you add music to your game.

Teens and other people listen to music all the time. They usually start hearing the same songs over and over again. Don't you think you'll get tired of listening to something if you hear it too many times? I know I would. Most people use loops in Flash that they either made or got off of These loops are short, lasting for no more then a minute at MOST. Eventually, people will just say "You know what? I want to shut this stupid music off." They look for the mute button, but alas! There is none! There's only one way out..

"Shut the hell up, you stupid game!"

Muting their speakers means they can't use iTunes. If they choose to deal with the music, they have to listen to it ALONG with their song. It sounds horrible it's best to turn off iTunes if they want to continue playing. Turning off iTunes so they can listen to YOUR stupid song won't make them happy, it'll make them angry. You won't like them when they're angry..

3. Put red text on a blue backround, or the opposite.

Blue is a nice color. It represents respect, sadness, and a whole lot of other things. On Kongregate, however, blue represents annoyance, pain, and blindness. Blue and red are two colors that can cause seizures if flashing in rapid succession. Flashing or not, putting red on a blue backround or blue on a red backround can still hurt you. It's just painful to look at. If you make that blue or red any brighter or darker, they lose their effect. The only painful shades are the normal ones, #0000FF and #FF0000. You probably don't want an example, but I'll show you anyway.

My eyes are bleeding! GRAAAAARGHH!!!

This is the exact type of eye-burning pain I'm talking about. Blue + Red = Blindess. Next!

2. Use flashing colors in the game that are likely to give people seizures.

These days, dance clubs are highly blown out of proportion in terms of colors and lights. They just have different lights changing every 5 seconds, and some dancing. Many people now, especially the ones at Kongregate developing flash games, think that dance clubs and parties are places where every known color in the universe flashes ungodly fast. The problem is, these flashing lights can cause epiliptic seizures. Yet developers still insist on flashing colors at 30 frames per second just to try to keep the beat of a "dance party" and/or to annoy people. So, annoying people by flashing thousands of colors is a pretty good way to make people hate your game. It's also a good way to give people seizures. An example would be "The Groovy Dance Party Game Featuring The Groovy Button"

"Sparta? This.. is.. epilipsy!!!!"

1. Don't beta test your game, only to find out it's badly broken.

The most important part of a game is kind of obvious. It's not graphics, it's not controls, it's just if the game simply works. When the game is broken, then the entire game is ruined. That's why after a game is finished, people let it sit for a week then play it, looking for any bugs or glitches. That's kind of the ENTIRE POINT of beta testing. However, some people obviously DON'T beta test their game, because they're too arrogant and they think everything is perfect. It's not. When a game has a couple of bugs or glitches that are hidden and/or hard to execute, that's okay. However, when the part of the game that THE ENTIRE GAME REVOLVES AROUND is broken, then you're just stupid and lazy. A great example of this is "Dress Up Margaret". In "Top 5 Ways To Make Nobody Want To Play Your Game", I talked about how dress up games suck all you do is drag ugly clothing to some ugly girl/guy. The entire game revolves around dragging the ugly clothing. If you read this entire paragraph, you would have guessed by now that in "Dress Up Margaret", YOU CAN'T DRAG THE STUPID CLOTHES. Thus rendering the entire game stupid, broken, and extremely annoying.


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