Friday, May 7, 2010

All That Glistens Is Not Platinum!


So Mr. Runner has a secret feature. If you run a level really fast, instead of the highest medal they tell you about (gold) you can get a platinum. A platinum is an extreme pain in the ass to get and would very most likely get an impossible badge for catching them all. So, I'm here to list the cutoff times for each platinum on each level.

Thanks to Teenlink for being way better than me and telling me the cutoff times for levels I could not reach them on. In fact, he pretty much got most of the scores. So super mega ultra thanks!

Level 1 - 8:00
Level 2 - 11:90
Level 3 - 11:80
Level 4 - 12:30
Level 5 - 13:50
Teenlink Says: There are two forks in the road. On the first one, take the top path. On the second, take the bottom. These are the fastest ways.
Level 6 - 18:00 (Could be 17:90)
Level 7 - 13:50 (Could be a bunch of things from 13:50 to 14:00)
Level 8 -
Level 9 - 6:90
Severe Says: Always take the first path down! It's easy to get scores below 6:00 if you do it right, meanwhile going to the right like I always used to do will net you below 12:00 if you're lucky.

This list will be constantly updated, so check back later!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Don't Fail Me Now, Dummy!



Let's skip the introduction. You know what you want. I know what you want. You want to learn all the skins in Dummy Never Fails, amirite? Here they are. Important (obscure) ones will be bolded.

Basic Dummy - Screw you. You damn well know how to get the basic dummy.

Farmer - Complete 10 levels

Tourist - Complete 20 levels

Cow - Complete 30 levels. You know, they tell you how to get this.

Monster - Complete 40 levels. It says it right there on the rollover.

Censored - Complete all 52 levels. Well, now we can have Rule 42 on this obscure Flash game.

Programmer - Visit the credits! While you're at it, visit the credits twice for another skin that I'll bring up later.

Tanoku Fan - Visit Tanoku. The site. From the link they give you in the game.

Sponsor - Visit PlayHub. Alternatively, click Play More Games.

Muscleman - Submit your score. You can't do this until you finish all 52 levels, so I assume this is a companion for that little censored lady back up there.

Mech - Bring your total pain down to 78000. It's not actually hard. You'll be amazed how much pain you rack up in a single level, and how much you can take away.

Afroman - Test a level on the level editor. It can be blank. Or maybe not. What do I care?

Sumotori - Load a level on the level editor. It can also be blank. Just go to load and load nothing!

Pilot - Send a small level from the level editor. This means a smallish amount of stuff. So put like the cannon and the win box and maybe one or two stationary if you're feeling adventurous. Then save it and click the send link. You can ignore the window that comes up.

Commander - Send a medium level from the level editor. This is about 10 objects.

FBI - Send a big level from the level editor. So like just spam the screen with 30 objects or so.

Cowboy - Shoot 100 dummies. This will be done across the course of the game.

Egyptian - Shoot 200 dummies.

Roman - Shoot 300 dummies.

Zombie - Shoot 400 dummies. They say these two. They say almost everything. If you're looking for the ??????s scroll down plz.

Rocco - Shoot 500 dummies. Writing this is a waste of time. You know this!

Astronaut - Send a dummy out of the area. Out of bounds, out of whatever. The real challenge is to make it up to level 52 without getting this skin.

Cudeiro - Get 99999 pain in one level. You know it's cold out here for Cudeiro...

Cheerleader - Complete a level without pain. There's probably some sort of message in there, but I'm too busy thinking about Rule 42 again to come up with anything.

Orc - Get the circular symbol. Well, this ruined my good 42stream. How do you get the circular symbol? Read the in-game walkthrough. I hate videos too, but I don't feel like writing which level you get the items from.

Barbarian - Get the asterick. That's a crappy asterick.

Football Player - Get the teardrop. You made your mother cry!

Chinese - Get the club symbol, like the one they use in cards. Huh. This could be racist, but it's probably not.

Robot - Get the square.

Pirate - Get the triangle. This reminds me of that episode where that guy found the triangle and it wasn't actually a triangle but it was angle formed by the pirate's arm, so.. eh, forget it.

Yeti - Get the X. This is probably a reference to that skiing game which name escapes me.

Vampire - Get the star. Obviously this is one of those sparkling vampires.

Superhero - Get the hexagon. This one is somewhat challenging to get.

Gothic - Get the crescent moon. It's not really a gothic. It's more of a nun. Maybe it's a gothic nun.

Skeleton - Get the diamond. What a fascinating analogy.

Alien - Get the spade. This is a very very loose reference to Avatar. Or maybe it's just not a reference. Yeah, that works.

Artist - Open the credits twice. Here it is. I referenced this before, but you probably just skipped to this part.

Rocker - Mute the music. Alternatively...

Orchestra Leader - Mute the sound.

Soldier - Visit the high scores. Is the war just a game to you, Mr. President?

White Dummy - Test an empty level in the level editor. I'm sure we all did that.

Polygon Mesh - Clear a level on the level editor. I bolded this just because it looks badass. The skin that is.

Mummy - Edit a level with thursters. So put thrusters in your level basically.

Demon - Shoot 666 dummies. Isn't it 616 now?

Office worker - Complete a level with the random skin. There's a "?" button that says random in the skin section. Click on it. Complete a level with that skin.

Clown - Complete a level in slow motion. Slow.

Prisoner - Stop shooting for 20 seconds. It's debatable if this is important, but most people don't have seizures in every level.

Stickman - Play the game 10 times. I hate this one. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. The game loads so slowly. Basically you have to refresh and play a level 10 times. Also, the description says "play 10 times the game", which is horrible Engrish. I never played The Game 10 times. I lost The Game a bunch of times though.


Bear - Shoot 10 dummies after the level ends. You might have to do this if you go for the symbols.

Bizarre - Get the heart symbol. Woooooah. WOOOOOOOOAHHH!! Moving on.


Samurai - Get the pentagon symbol. What a weak way to end the skins. Therefore, I'm making the last skin..

Random - It's always there. It watches you sleep at night. This is even easier to get than the Basic Dummy.

And that's the end to our wonderful magical dummy skin exploration.