My Silent Saboteur

People often ask a question: Is Kongregate better then ArmorGames? It's a tough choice. Kongregate users often point out that it's obvious that Kongregate is better because it has cards, a card game, badges, a chat, and more. Kongregate is cleary better then ArmorGames for playing games. There lies the problem. Kongregate would be better then ArmorGames IF it had any games. Good games, at least.

The highest game on Kongregate is currently Sonny. Look at who uploaded it. It wasn't Kongregate, it was ArmorGames. Look at ArmorGames' account and all the wonderful games the uploaded. Kongregate uploaded the Shoot! (booooriiiiing) and Kongai (snore). ArmorGames sponsors tons of good games. Kongregate has sponsored, maybe about 2 or 3 good games, and then tons of bad games like Project Green and Saboteur.

The creator of Saboteur is NinjaCow, the guy who is a ninja and a cow combined together. He's also insane about killing DrNeroCF, the creator of Fancy Pants Adventures. NinjaCow does everything DrNeroCF does worse. He also tries to do his own games* sometimes, but they suck too. Like this game. In Saboteur, you walk around trying to crack the guard's necks (or not) and avoid cameras until you get to your target. After that, you have to get back out. It would be boring like this, so NinjaCow decided to add "features" to the game. The problem is, the features are annoying.

This game isn't 3D or anything, so it's set in bird's eye view mode. NinjaCow decided to add a circle that restricts your view to make it seem like a spy game. The problem is, it's annoying, it's pointless, and it's just stupid. Thanks for showing us your abilities to block the game screen, NinjaCow, but I really don't care. He also made our character suck. That meter on the bottom-right of the screen is the sound we're making. That's right, our characters make sound when they walk. This might have been cool, but NinjaCow didn't implement a sneak button, so we HAVE to walk fast and make sound. The character can drag a dead guard body so it won't be noticed by a guard. The problem is, he has butterfingers, and can't hold on to a dead body of a guard he just killed without it falling.

Whoever owns the area hired guards that are SuperMen, but they suck. It SAID in the job description that they can see through walls (which they can, thanks to NinjaCow's lazy programming) but it failed to mention they're blind. The entire point of dragging a dead guard body away is to make sure a guard doesn't see it. The problem is, they WON'T NOTICE THE BODY. That's right. The screenshot does not lie.

Is that a dead body? Nah.. I'm probably imagining it.

The guards are also blind in a different way. They have something I like to call "NST:18I" which means Near Sightedness to 18 Inches. In other words, their vision is .0000142045455 of normal human vision, which is 1,267,200 inches (20 miles). Having such a terrible vision must make life hard for them.

Where'd you go, Snake? I can't see you. Snake? SNAAAAAAAAKE!

The missions don't make up for the horrible physics. They're all dumb stuff like "Assasinate Mr.Black" or "Steal stuff but don't kill anybody". The game is boring, frustrating, and annoying. I didn't have the patience to get past level 3. Forget this game. NinjaCow must hate DrNeroCF because his games are infinitely better then his games.

Fail Factor 4: It's not fun, the game is broken, and it's annoying.

Phobia: Probably Scotomaphobia - Fear of blindness

*That have been done better a million times before

Project Ice Rink

A game concept that SHOULD be overused but isn't is real ice. Many games try ice that sucks. Real ice isn't moving a LITTLE faster over time, and you skid for an inch before stopping. Real ice is "holy crap I'm still moving 20 miles per hour" and "Whoah, this spinning is making me kinda sick" stuff. Where does ice belong, however? In an ice rink game of course! It's my honor to present, Project Ice Rink!

Wait a minute, that's not it. The game is called Project Green, and it's not about ice rinks at all. It's just another stupid game where you move and try to open doors to finally reach the exit switch to get to the exit. While missiles and lasers are shooting at you. None of these games make sense. They're also incredibly easy. However, Project Green is not easy. Why? Well, that's where the ice comes in.


There is nearly NO green in Project Green. There is, however, a whole lot of gray. Oh, and red. Mostly gray though. Project Green is a misnomer. The game should be called "Project Spin Out Of Control Until You Bump Into A Wall Which You Somehow Bounce Off Of". Why? The reason is that this game appears a friction of 0.0000001. Do you want to stop? Sorry, you'll have to waste 8 seconds randomly sliding and bouncing on the screen, hoping you don't get your ass fried by the lasers or bump a mine until you finally move only a LITTLE. That's right, you never stop moving, even after 20 years you'll still be sliding just a little bit. Call me crazy, but I think this isn't fun. And sure, 8 seconds doesn't seem THAT long, but it happens EVERY TIME YOU MOVE. The entire game is ruined thanks to these stupid physics. The game gives you a level editor, but that sucks too.

The level editor is unfriendly, unhelpful, and confusing. It doesn't tell you anything, which means if you haven't played the game you're forced to guess what everything does. It also doesn't seem to have a very important part of the game: THE PLAYER. Turns out the player comes with the exit square. I guess the author doesn't believe in freedom. The game has a "delete" option, but doesn't let you delete anything. Or does it? To delete something, you have to highlight it. I got that part, but it turns out you have to press "Delete" to delete it. The actual delete button on the keyboard. Now, I know why the author chose it and it isn't a problem! Except for one little fact: DELETE IS USELESS AND A HORRIBLE BUTTON TO USE ON A KEYBOARD. Nobody uses delete because it's much easier to use backspace. That's why EVERY single game uses it. Except this one of course, because Project Green is nonsense. I thing green is actually G.R.E.E.N, an acronym for "Giant Ridiculous Exciting (just kidding, it's boring.) Eggplant Nonsense. Why is eggplant in there? I don't know, and neither does the author because this game is INSANE. Fun Fact: Kongregate actually sponsored this garbage.

Fail Factor 2: It's actually pretty fun until you get up to level 51 or so.

The phobia here was hard to find, but I think it's Tropophobia, the fear of moving (which you'll do a lot of in this game whether you want to or not)

Cheats in Flash

It's important to pick an attractive icon for your game so people would notice it. For example, I would have never noticed Cheats in Kongregate if it didn't have some hobo as the icon. So, I played it. And boy does it suck.

I so did not know that you can right click and press forward to go forward on a game, or press tab to find hidden buttons! Oh wait, yes I did. Everybody knows these cheats. Oh, and they're the only two cheats on there. Perfect. Then it shows you an example about how you can use the right click cheat to get the medium badge on Age of War, then some stupid "extra" question. You can either go back to the main menu or click "view the answer", which will lead to a page showing you that ugly hobo again. Oh, and the two cheats can be made useless in flash with 4 simple lines of code.
Above: All you need to stop those two cheats.

This game sucks to the highest degree. Outdated and easily broken cheats, no fun, ugly backround.. ect.


Fail Factor 5: YAAAAWN. I think the author was trying to test his button actionScript, then decided to upload the game here anyway.

The phobia to pick here was hard. It's either:

Scelerophobia - Fear of bad people (like the lazy creator of this game)
or
Hobophobia - Fear of hobos, beggars, undesirables, homeless people, bums.. ect.

Not Another Tower Defence Game..

Tower Defence Advanced doesn't seem advanced the first time you look at it. Then again, that's just the graphics of the icon. When the game first loads.. you'll be surprised at what you see..


Okay, maybe I should have said disappointed. Yup, there's nothing there. Can people actually make sure their game works before publishing? Maybe another game next time. For now, I have no choice but to give this game a Fail Factor rating of:

Undefined: There's nothing there, how can I give it a rating?

The appropriate phobia here is kenophobia! Kenophobia is the fear of blank/empty spaces or voids. This entire game is a void..