Segment #1337

The newest game to get badges on Kongregate is Cube Colossus. While playing Cube Colossus, you may realize it sucks. Oh, and that it has these annoying segments before each battle. The segments go something like this:

Segment #3

Don't give hope up.
Find your friends.
Do not disappoint.
Be ready for the challenge.

And now, I have EXCLUSIVE segments that didn't make it into the game! Here they are!

Segment #12

You are worth.
Cube can not win in this land.
Smoke die.
I am a foreigner, I can not laugh at your stupidity.

Segment #27

Navigate to death already.
To kill these cubes.
Instead, your mothers smoke.
Well, last night, she said.

Segment #132

These cubes are ideal.
Above.
How scary is this building.
So is your mother.

Segment #295

Do you live?
No, I need to make a living.
Because smoking is meaningless.
Your mother was like a Friday night.

Segment #645

Do not give hope.
Said, this game is won.
Joke is dead.
Soaks up information like your mother die.

Segment #1294

Please please please Dekimasenarimasen.
Please do not please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please.
Do not give hope.
It is good medicine.

Segment #4512

I love the work of the value of hate this stupid job.
There is a difference.
It is also what happens in the future.
I will write to someone from the waist down.

Segment #9545

New episodes of loss of popularity as in this case, why?
This is considerably decreased.
Do you leave the place in the finale episode of me?
In other words, that is, a stupid stupid TV.

Segment #10133

He is obviously crazy.
What is the Ohio State University.
Today, I know what to do.
However, this is ugly, it means a big huge guy.

Segment #12045

Hi, I can, I'm bad to the west of you.
I'm going to quit you.
However, it is the best singer sea.
I thank the president of his face.

Segment #15345

I can specify the names of these pants I wanted to please the poster.
Deputy Prime Minister is this book.
Surprisingly, this child is sweating.
I will donate 12 cents to the lotion.

Segment #19651

To obtain appropriate waste it?
Eat the press zoom credit card bills.
This simple snap action.
Clear food and agricultural technology.

Segment #26503

Spring wedding, imagine the dam.
Instead, go up to describe the tragedy of south.
Beauty and not married.
Too bad the cow eats cow.

Segment #35013

For now, I need you to please.
Ask him choke to death.
I'm trying to kill this frog.
I can not see my guns.

Segment #53501

The following shall be applied, please.
Refer to the ducks, I can not eat a gun.
Made me listen to suffocation.
Pleasure without orange.

Segment #82346

Please Master marriage.
He is a visionary.
Now, the zombies are walking a thin line.
You can get the milk you can give your family some hope for you.

Cargo Bridge's Physics

Many people have been wondering what is wrong with Cargo Bridge's physics. I am tired of these complaints. It's easy to see there is nothing wrong with Cargo Bridge. It just has it's own sets of physics called "Spontemere" ("spontaneous gravity") I will now show you why common "BUGS" in Cargo Bridge happen. Specifically, two "bugs" that deal with the bridge working and then falling apart for a strange reason.

Common "Bug" 1: Bridges falling apart due to another bridge piece unconnected to it.
Real Origin: Anomalies

Here's something people complain about alot: a bridge normally works, but when you add a bridge piece to a completely different bridge, it falls apart. Why? Easy, anomalies. If a piece of bridge isn't connected to another, it develops a gravitational anomaly connecting it. Here's an example of how it changes:

SHAROOOOOON! THE ANOMALIES ARE OUT TO GET MEEEEEEE!!

See? Okay, look at the second picture closely. You see the two circles? A really dark one (more psi (which is a unit of pressure/stress)) near the bridge piece, and a lighter one farther away from it? Well, that's how the anomalies work. For all you math people there, the exact equation is:

x = piece length
Inner Circle Psi = 4(x^2)/3
Outer Circle Psi = (Inner Circle Psi)/2.186
Inner Circle Diameter = pi(sqrt(x^5)
Outer Circle Diameter = (Inner Circle Diameter)^2

Common "Bug" 2: Bridges working one time, then without changing anything, it breaks.
Real Origin: Invisible Monkeys

You have a bridge. It works. You try the EXACT same bridge again, but it breaks! Why? Easy, because of the decisions of the invisible monkeys. You don't see them because they're invisible, but they're responsible for the spontaneous breaking of the bridge. You can only see them if you look at the screen in infa-red vision. And they're only SOMETIMES there. I took 5 photos of the bridge before anything happened to it. In 4 of the photos, the bridge worked fine. In the other photo, the bridge broke. Sure enough, I looked at the photos for the working bridge and the broken bridge and looked at it in infa-red. Sure enough, the monkeys were on the bridge that was just about to break.

STOP SMILING! YOU... YOU... MONKEYS!!!

Yu-Gi-Oh's story of zombification!

One of the old articles on Kongiophobia (the first!) was a story on Zombie Creator.

The first story was lost, but I've created a new story. Here it is (edited):

When the outbreak occurred, Yu-Gi-Oh was outside of one of the city of Hollywood's rescue stations. Just when he thought he might break through the crowds and get inside, an obnoxiously loud pickup truck came up behind him. It couldn't stop. It crashed through the crowds and killed at least 1/0 people. Yu-Gi-Oh was almost as unlucky, as he was pinned under the obnoxiously loud pickup truck. Then, as if in a dream, Achmed the Dead Terrorist came out of nowhere... but she wasn't herself, it was quite obvious that she had been turned into a Zombie. Blood ran down her helping bra, drenching it. Before Yu-Gi-Oh could react, not that he could do much, being pinned under the obnoxiously loud pickup truck, Achmed the Dead Terrorist sunk her teeth into his armpit. He had put up an Achmed the Dead Terrorist poster in his room when he was 14, and thought that at least it was her biting him... 'Better her than a fat old man' he thought. Clutching his most prized possession, the ripped tissue his wife gave him as a two week anniversary present, he slowly passed into Zombification. He was still stalking prey 3 years later... and did so until the army of Arizona decided to take matters into their own hands, and dropped several nuclear bombs onto the city of Hollywood. This is the story of Yu-Gi-Oh.