2009 Birthday Special!

Hooray! It's my birthday! And as a special treat to everybody, I am writing a special post! This is the ultimate:

no0b guid

This guide will help you talk like a noob! That's right! Now you can annoy the chat and get multiple silences.. FREE!

Kongiophobia does not recommend doing this in public or in private.

Let's begin:
Step One: You say we need to talk he walks. You say sit down it's just a talk. Smiles politely back at you. You stare politely right on throu-

Okay, no, wait.

1. Misspell half of your words at MOST, and 1/8 at least.

Example:

why ar you doin that agan... the governmint has better thins to do then listin to you whine!!! lol

2. Avoid punctuation. If you must use it, use 20 times as much punctuation as needed.

Example:

what is your problem seriously dude go get some ice cream or something or die or go away lol
.... what is your problem????? seriously dude!!!! go get some ice cream or something or die.... or go away!!!!!! lol

3. Use lots of curses that aren't spelled properly.

Example:

hay u kno wut!!!!!! fcuk u docuhebag!!!!!!!!! suk my cok btch.... lol

4. Use abbreviations when you can.

Example:

wtf is going on srly stop it ffs stfu an gtfo u noob!!! lol!!!

5. Say "lol" a lot, but twice a line at most.

No chatters were hurt in this experiment.

6. You can't mix capitals and lowercases together. Go all caps for the troll look, and go lowercase for the noob look.

Example:
HEY GUYS U ALL SUCK U BTCHES LOL STFU NOOBS!!!!!!! LOL
hey guys u all suck u btches lol stfu noobs!!!!!!! lol

7. Avoid actually using leetspeak. Noobs don't use that.

Elitist Level Rank Chart

Today, I bring you another chart of epic awesomeness. This depends on your level, and YES, it IS elitist. Oh well.

The Professional Phenomenal Historic Legendary Level Rank Chart

1-12 Newbie
13-22 Rookie
23-34 Skilled
34-41 Professional
42-53 Phenomenal
53-59 Historic
60-64 Epic
65 Legendary

The UELH User ID Chart

Today, I bring you the chart of epic awesomeness. This chart relies on your user number, so please look at what your User ID is before consulting this chart. This chart is valid until 50 members are reached, and should therefore be replaced somewhere around February 2067

The Ultimate Epic Legendary Historic User ID Chart

1-100: Original Member
100-10000: Ultimate Awesome Epic Legendary Historic Member
10000-50K: Awesome Epic Legendary Historic Member
50K-100K: Awesome Epic Historic Member
100K-500K: Awesome Historic Member
500K-1M: Historic Member
1M-2M: Elderly Senior Member
2M-3M: Old Senior Member
3M-4M: Senior Member
4M-5M: Generation 0
5M-6M: Generation 1
6M-7M: Generation 2
7M-8M: Generation 3
8M-9M: Generation 4
9M-10M: Generation 5
10M-20M: Generation X
20M-30M: Generation Y
30M-40M: Generation Z
40M-50M: Generation Q
50M-Beyond: New Generation

You Gained: Chat Nuke Plans

Chat nukes. Some of you guys know them, some of you don't. A chat nuke is kind of what it sounds like. But not really. A chat nuke can happen to anyone. You can be either just chatting, or dealing with a troll invasion. Doesn't matter what you're doing, your chat screen can suddenly just go black. Nothing there. Pow. It's like all the text turned invisible, but it didn't. Here are some common things that people state about the chat nuke that may or may not be true.

A chat nuke deletes all text in the chat before it. It literally nukes it.

Wrong! A chat nuke appears to delete the text, but if you scroll up it's still there. The text appears, and then it shows somebody saying " " except longer. It covers the whole screen. It's really annoying, but it's only done when it needs to be done, right? If everybody could do the chat nuke, then the chat would be bombed back to the stone age. That's why only mods can chat nuke. Oh, wait..

Moderators are the only people who can chat nuke.

Wrong! Anyone can chat nuke. Kongregate didn't implement a chat nuke because it's an exploitation of programming. Anyone can type in the chat nuke code and have a whole screen of blank lines, appearing to nuke the chat.

I wouldn't reccomend doing it in public though (In PM to some person that doesn't exist, or in a game with an empty multiplayer room would be fine) because you'll be silenced. Seriously. It happened just as I finished writing this article. So, don't abuse the chat nuke. There's a reason Kongregate doesn't let you use enter. It would lead to chat nukes. See, that's why this code is similar to enter. In fact, it's EXACTLY like enter, which leads us to..

Chat nuking is made by typing in a code and copy-pasting it over and over again.

Correct! For every one chat nuke code you have, you have one space. Typing the chat nuke code until the limit of characters is reached lets you create a massacre of empty spaces. It's really not that hard to chat nuke. The hardest part is actually learning the code. Once you know it, you'll never forget it. It's not some long long code. It's 5 characters.

The code you'll never know. Unless you know.

That's right, 5 characters. 5 characters capable of multiplying and causing destruction. I'm not saying they HAVE to multiply though..

Chat nuking destroys the entire screen whether you want to or not.

Wrong! The code for chat nuking is one enter, not one thousand of them. You can limit the chat nuking by a whole lot of spaces if you only use 4 or 8 of them. Heck, you can even use the code for good if you don't use the code for chat nuking and use it for line breaks. What would you need line breaks for in chat? I don't know. Dramatic pauses, maybe?

Okay, well, maybe not the power of good.

Fun With FireBug

NOTE: I will NOT tell you the gender hacking cheat, but I will tell you it DOES involve FireBug and editing your profile.

On the forums, somebody noticed that a certain member had the gender "Shemale" on it. He posted a thread which sparked more and more people to edit their genders. Editing your own gender is actually hacking Kongregate, and will probably get you banned, because the admins are no fun. That thread is gone now (thanks Matt!) and the gender hacking cheat will still be a secret. As mentioned above, I won't tell you, because I had to suffer for a long time before I realized you actually had to edit your profile for it to show up. See, if you download a FireFox extention called FireBug, it can edit the HTML for a page. However, for it to be permanent, you have to MAKE it the variable. This means you actually have to submit it for it to be entered into Kongregate servers. While playing with FireBug, you can do anything you want with Kongregate code. It won't sumbit unless you manually submit it, and you can't with anything besides gender (and maybe birthday). However, you CAN make it look like you are a staff member or level 999 until you refresh the page. Since it's not permanent, it's kinda like editing a picture. You're not actually hacking the servers, because nothing gets submitted.. right? *gulp*

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Download FireBug
2. Restart FireFox to make it work
3. Right click on what you want to edit and click "inspect edit" (or you can click on the FireBug icon in the bottom-right corner of your browser, but you'll have to manually find your edit)
4. Start editing! You might need to know basic HTML, but you can search for the words you want to edit.

FireBug apparently can't let you add code. (Either that or it's way too complicated for me to do it). This means in order to give yourself a "staff member icon", you need to be a developer. To change that developer icon into a staff icon, you find the developer image code (shown above) and change the developer part of /presentation/developer_icon.gif?1228803865 into staff. Your developer icon should change into a shiny red staff icon.

For reasons unknown, Kongregate has level icons for level 1-999, even though there is no level 999 (the maxium level is currently 65). Find your level icon (also shown above) and change whatever number you have into whatever number you want. You can change the 35 (my level at the time I'm writing this) of /presentation/levelbug/levelbug35.gif?1228803865 into 912 like I did in the image above, and you will get level 912! Hooray!

You can also change the badge pictures, but they're a little more advanced HTML and they look bad (because the images go a little north-left and the bottom-right repeats, it looks broken) and your personal bar thing.

WARNING 1: The personal bar thing is a little bit unstable and may snap back to the original for no reason.

WARNING 2: Refreshing or leaving the page will erase all changes that you made without warning. They're not permanent.